The expression barrrier

These days, i seemed to have lost the inspiration to blog.
What shall i write?
What do i want to share?
These are some questions i asked myself...
Some thought provoking or emotional events would come to my mind.
But each time i get to this "new post" page and i stare upon blank screen it deters me.
Call me lazy, maybe i am cos i find it to be a chore to express myself in words.
As i read more and  more model gp essays, i found myself getting increasingly sicken with my english.
People are able express themselves with ease, write fluently, use a range of vocabulary adequately and appropriately and even cite exceptional examples.
The readers enjoy themselves thoroughly due to the author's good command of the language.
As for me, i wonder if the teacher had puked blood while reading my trash.
Fortunately(or otherwise), i was not alone.
U see, in Singapore we use a range of language in our daily life.
We pride ourselves as a bilingual, trilingual, or even multilingual nation.
But more often than not, its simply a facade to appease ourselves.

The phrase "jack of all trades master of none" comes in most adequately here.
We like to tell people that hey we can speak a variety of languages.
We juggle with english, chinese, dialect (a variety of them), some even korean or japaneses due to the pop culture, and so on everyday.
We like to believe we are special as we are able to speak many languages, but in reality we are just trying to hide our poor command of any language by using breath to make up for the lack in depth.
Thus, Singlish is born.
Try speaking to the majority of the singaporean chinese, the conversation may start with a single language but as it goes on the singlish element kicks in.
A sentence can be formed using chinese, english, hokkien(especially if one wants to express his anger), and so on before ending with a "lah"/"hor" or whatever.
What a colourful sentence if i may say so.
This is just like rojak, a fusion of many elements.
Why don't we take our exams in singlish instead, then let it be marked by singaporean examiners?
In this way we wouldn't be offering ourselves as laughing stocks to the british examiners.
Look at Ris low of example, that was classic singaporean, truly made in singapore.

S'poreans laugh at her poor command of english, but are they actually just mocking their own reflection?
Professionals and public figures aside, if we look into the grassroots where a the bulk of the population lies one would be amazed.
Look at the kind of words/ short forms and sentences people construct.
How different is "lolzzzzzzzzz" different form "boomz"?
These "zzzz" or "xxxx", "suckzzz", "rawkxxx" and so on are actually very common and loosely used among teenagers these days.
As for the middle aged adults, dialect is just in their blood.
Get a china chinese or an englishman to try conversing with someone from the heartlands and they might actually be laughing throughout without even understanding half of the conversation.

I may be myopic and all that i say as it may not be exactly true, but certainly this would be true for me.
Lets share a sad story about myself.
At home, i use a variety of spoken languages, chinese, english, teochew, hokkien, hainan, recently cantonese and so on.
It becomes a habit and thus every sentence i say incorporates a few of these languages.
I thought i could converse well because i could express myself well in the absence of grammar, sentence structure and even the lack of vocabulary.
This was because, my shortfall in a particular language was made up by suitable expressions from another language.
If i can't think of a phrase or word to express a particular expression in english, just find a chinese or dialect parallel to replace it.
In the processed, my weakness is masked(or is it?).
How convenient!
In the long run, this gets into the cognitive process and i start to think in this way too.
Thus, when i am asked to write an english or chinese essay....hey, i am tongue tight.
People usually think that my chinese is "not bad" as chinese is my main medium of communication.
However, do u know that i cant read chinese newspapers or write proper chinese essays?
On the contrary, i do read and write in english but my spoken english sounds like i am from some rural village in china.
Funny?
Yes, how i wish this is very much just a joke.
I was listening to my mom's conversation on the phone with my hongkong relative last night and i find it all so amusing yet at the same time embarrassing.
Her chinese was simply "fantastic" considering the fact that she usually speaks in chinese.
I couldn't help wondering how often would the chinese in china be laughing their butts off each time a singaporean chinese visit them, or would they have thought that perhaps singaporeans are better in english(haha).
Hmm, so i thought about the incident and hey! it got it.
Its in my blood, my command of language in general totally sucked because its in my genes (perhaps).

Thus, from today onwards i shall make an effort to converse in english so as to prevent myself from being anymore of a joke.
As for chinese, i dont need that to enter uni, its quite useless too anyway since the chinese are also learning english.
Why not just put a curfew on it?
That is all i have to share about my mastery(or the lack of) in absolutely any language.

Next, i shall move on to another topic which had got me on my nerves throughout the whole of the week.
Let me ask some rhetorical questions...
Why do some people actually bother to come to school when they have absolutely no interest in doing so?
Why do they if they think they are so good even bother attending lessons?
Now the ranting begins(be prepared).
If u are so great and full of urself then get tell ur mom or dad to write a letter or call the school to excuse u from the pain.
Why make urself suffer by attending class?
I really wonder.
Going to tutorials and lectures without preparing is normal, so is forgetting to bring the materials (honestly).
Persistently not preparing for tutorials is also normal as i can understand and relate to the term laziness.
But what i cannot understand is the persistent not bringing of a single piece of material for all lessons throughout the day.
And this is fine if u shut ur gap and hide in a corner.
Too bad if the teacher notices u and u get a scolding, but if u r not interested to learn why disturb others?
Since the previous week, someone had "forgotten" to bring materials to class and had conveniently sat next to me to "share" the stuff.
Its ok if its a genuine case of absentmindedness, but this was not.
One goes to class as if one was attending a party, with food and drinks.
Then as i said, one conveniently sat next to me to share my materials and sometimes even ask for a piece of my work to "camouflage".
Following that, throughout the lesson one would be busy texting or thinking of ingenious ways to tease and make fun of others.
When one is caught talking, not paying attention, texting or for not doing work, Bingo!, here comes drama club.
Acting innocent, telling lies, making up stories these are all so cliche.
But the teacher actually believes!
Why?
Because never in anyone's mind would anyone have thought that a jc2 student would be behaving to such delinquent and childish extremes.
I was bewildered by one's sheer determination to act and cheat the teacher till the end.
There was absolutely no room for guilt, remorse, integrity and even respect for the teacher throughout the act.
Amazing because of these, the acting was so convincing that i was also taken in on my first encounter.

Initially, it was funny and it would be if it had only occurred once.
But it becomes very disturbing and sickening of this happens daily.
Lesson ends and 0ne would be the first to exclaim as if 0ne was so worn out from paying utter attention in class or had mugged profusely throughout the night.
Even during time trials and lectures, 0ne didn't even bother to attempt or try 0ne's best to listen.
Simply slept from the beginning to the end.
Again this nonchalant attitude would be okay if the person does not bother me.
However, it was not the case.
When the prelim papers were marked and returned, the particular 0ne sat beside me flipped through the papers and repeated the F word with every page turned, F this F that, F i fail....
This is all so illogical.
With the kind of attitude u display isn't this what u were expecting?
How can someone who is so indifferent towards work carry any reasonable hope for decent grades?
There are others, infact many others in class who are not doing well but they do not behave like that.
And there is another irksome act, 0ne actually laughs wholeheartedly at fellow classmates who doesn't do as well.
This was again not something that happens occasionally, the laughing happens almost each time test scripts were returned.
It is ok to treat it as a joke and laugh occasionally, but is it not boring to repeatedly laugh at the same thing?
Or did u get such fantastic grades that garners u the so called "right" to laugh at people?
If so, i would had been laughing so hard at u that i could never breathe.
Please, ur grades are seriously not much better than them.
Its just pot calling the kettle black.
Enough is enough, i had put up with enough nonsense.
Its monday tmr and if the same person is going to come to class empty handed expecting me to share my stuff with u again, sorry i am not going to comply.
This has been going on for weeks, each lesson one "forgets" to bring stuff, one puts on an act, make empty promises to bring it the next time or lie about not being informed and then laughs it all off after one wriggles oneself out of the sticky situation.
Its not funny anymore, its disgusting.
Why dont u just save urself the trouble of having to act and save others the pain n disgust of sharing and watching ur act.
No one would mind sharing materials with someone genuine and keen to learn, but its very painful if i had to share with someone so irritating and distracting.
Why should i have to suffer when i did no wrong?
I brought my notes, and i see no reason to compromise my learning for someone unworthy.
It may sound harsh and even offensive but i can assure you that what i said is already quite mild considering the extremity u can get to in class.

Other than that, the week had be kind to me. =)
My friends were great and i simply enjoy mugging late into the night in their company.
Oh, and i finally tasted the famous punggol nasi lemak.
Had it twice for dinner during the course of the week.
For 3 years i had been in srjc yet this was my debut.
Not bad, the food taste decent and the wait wasn't very long despite having a queue which never cease.
It was so much better than the coffeeshop food available just outside the school, as was getting so sick of the coffeeshop food.

Well, that is all for today.
Thanks for reading.
May u and i have an eventful week ahead.
Cya soon. =)
Scott signs off.