Finally, the competition is over.
We won, we emerged as champions!
All the hard work, the sacrifices, the suffering, they all seemed to be justified and worthwhile now.
The frantic hugging, the ecstasy, the partying and the sudden closeness cause we all did it together.
Never in my wildest dream did I ever think that the performing arts could form such a strong camaraderie.
I had always thought that the strongest bonds were formed through sweat, dirt and tears.
But I was wrong.
I got to experience this myself, and now I realise it's magic.
2 days have past and the confetti has settled.
Instead of feeling jubilant and all chatty like the rest, I'm feeling doubtful.
The same feeling from before the competition still continues to linger in my mind and heart.
I thought the aftermath of the competition would change my mind, but it didn't.
The same doubts are still within me and the inclination lingers.
As I look at how everyone behave so closely knitted as a family I felt so distant.
And I felt so solemn, because deep within me I know (as much as I can't bear to) I may be leaving them.
Yes, it is that dreadful thought.
I want to quit the club.
There I said it.
No, I am not talking about merely relinquishing my position as the vice-president.
I am seriously inclined to leave the club entirely.
I was on the verge of doing so before the competition and I struggled very hard to convince myself that I cannot abandon the club at such a crucial period, I had a responsibility and I had to see to it till it's fulfillment.
I told myself that I would pull through this competition no matter how bad and stressful the situation was.
Now, my mission is completed.
Perhaps, it's time to leave?
Don't get me wrong, I do not hate the club.
I love singing and performing, I love it that's why I joined the club.
But as much as passion is important, ability and talent proved to be more critical and practical.
I had to face reality, I can't sing and I can't dance.
I am so far behind everyone in the club like I am lost in a foreign land.
This is just not my league.
Having said that, I thought that without musical talent I could still contribute to the club in terms of management (an area where I have some experience and expertise).
I held the VP post and I tried to contribute as much as I could to make up for my lack of musical capabilities.
However, as the heat and the intensity of the competition escalated, I found that it was too hot for me to handle.
The sheer amount of school work, practice sessions coupled with the never ending load of issues I had to grapple with each day was just too much to handle.
To make matters worse, the dynamics of the exco didn't help either.
I felt I was stuck in an american parliament where everyone had their opinions, the debates were endless and a conclusion can ever be reached.
The allocation of power was shared too evenly among everyone and there was just no real hierarchy in place.
It was just too democratic, and this is just pure bullshit.
Honestly, I the leadership style of the president is just pure bullshit and I am kinda disgruntled that I had to be under her when I obviously had more leadership experience.
Why the F do you need to get everybody's consensus on every single F-ing piece of decision?
If you have so much time and energy to waste on discussing every single crap, you can jolly well go do it yourself. I do not want to go though this antagonistic process repeatedly.
Come on, as a leader the most basic thing one could do is to be firm and have the confidence to make decisions on your own.
You don't have to make everyone happy all the time, if you don't have the balls to make decisions on behalf of everyone then you might as well be just a representative or a messenger.
Moreover, it F-ing doesn't help when you can't even communicate with your vp.
There I was skipping classes and trying to fight fire and reply emails all day, and there she was telling me "ohh, i forget to tell you this" , "I forgot about this", "I forgot to cc you in the email", "I missed out this", blah blah blah without even a single bit of remorse.
The top 2 must work as a team and obviously I am having egoistic issues here.
There are simply too many opinions and too many voices here.
They love contesting my pragmatic approach and sharing idealistic solutions which creates more work and problems.
But who gets to shoulder the excessive work and responsibility created?
It's never the one who spoke.
I think there is a clash of management style here and I'm just sick of it.
Working with a bunch of idealists who has never been through NS who thinks that the world is beautiful and fair.
My voice is as thin as a cricket in a forest and I struggle to contain my frustration when they insist on taking the longer path.
OMG! And people just wouldn't listen/carry out tasks.
I think essentially, there is a lack of communication and this ain't working.
Nonetheless, I felt so much better after ranting so much.
Before I end, I just had to say this.
Singing isn't my forte and if I can't contribute in terms of administration and management, I should not remain as a burden.
Whatever I have written wasn't meant to be against anyone, I'm just against how things are done and the inabilities of certain individuals(in my opinion).
I don't hate the person, I am only unhappy working with him/her.
Cya later.
Scott signs off.
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