Overcame with fear

I cant do it anymore.
Cant.
Cant.
My passion, it has gone cold.
Tried to confront the enemy, only to back out shaking.
Why? Why?
I cant give it all out for soccer anymore...
No more, no more.

I just wanted to have some fun, try a few shots.
But it came out differently, it didn't grant me happiness like before.
On top of that, it made me realised how much i missed my buddies my great great friends.
Without them things are simply different, it wasn't fun anymore.
They would give me the encouragement i need, they would make me feel safe, i wouldn't feel cold.
They would understand me, consider how i felt.

Hmm...
Maybe, they would give me hope.
Maybe, they would re-ignite my passion.
I has been a while since we met up.
How i missed the fun we always had.
Lets go play some games shall we?
My social void needs to be filled.
Well, maybe not soccer for the moment.
How about bball?
I'll try, I'll try.

Soccer was just not fun today.
I have to keep everything to myself, no laughter, no jokes.
Haiz.
Things compounded on the way home.
The exact same scene replayed before my eyes.
Evening peak hour traffic, the orange sun rays as the sunset....
The horrible memories cam flowing back.
I was overwhelmed with fear.
It was like deja vu, or a nightmare.
I knew there was nothing, all is normal, all is well.
But i cant help being consumed by fear.
Afraid and stuck in a state of paranoia.
Cowering inside, losing focus.
It was just too similar to that fateful day.
No matter how hard i tried to clam myself down, it was of no avail.
Parallel to how stellar of GSD would lose herself upon hearing the word death,
Facing an impending shot makes me shiver.
No even the psp could bring the smile back to me.

This was the aftermath of my...ordeal.
I had lost too much, risked too much.
Once bitten twice shy, looks like its true.
Should i fight it?
Should i not?
I wonder.

On another note, its right smack in the middle of prelims now.
However as u can see, i cant be bothered.
No drive, no push.
Dont try to talk me out of it, cos only a sting will suffice.
N its not just any verbal sting, rather, i need something more concrete.
Nonetheless, i will still prepare sufficiently?? or as much as i consider to be adequate.
Bare minimum if u want the truth.

Before i go for some Generals to lift my spirits,
Is anyone interested or already participating in this year's Nike human race?
Since i missed this year's Will Run i thought of joining Nike race.
Wanna rediscover the joy of running again.
Tell me ok.
Oh, firefox is so !!!! lately.
The screen i am looking at right now is totally trashy!
Whats with the screwed up scripts firefox has with blogger and facebook.
Its getting worst, i can no longer post pictures on blogger!
Cant they just revert back to the good old version where everything is nice n beautiful.
Tsk.
Saturday night fever.
Scott signs off.