For the first time in my NS life, I actually felt like an officer.
Not just one in name like what I have been since I graduated(as oppose to commissioned which would be a lie).
I tasted how it felt like to be accountable for what my men did and to how then to try to get them to respond and comply.
Like a ham in a sandwich.
The top bread will fk you(i apologise for the rather blunt term) as his plans which was passed through you were not realised.
Then after feeling super bitter, frustrated and dejected you have to either fk your guys to tell them you mean business or be nice but make sure you get the message across.
I could not bear to take up the former approach due to a hosts of reasons which includes guilt and a disability to unleash my rage on bunch of innocent eyes.
I called for a meeting which actually materialised and I conveyed my briefing where they gave me their attention.
I am glad they gave me their responses and looked up to me as their leader whom they could trust with how they felt.
To be able to received a text thereafter to apologise if one had sounded rude/offensive and to express that he would never want to step over my head cause I am the NSI he respected most was the world to me.
I have actually touched a few lives and gained respect.
Isn't this what I have been searching for my entire time in this force?
To be a true officer, a leader whom his men respects and listens to him from their hearts.
I have been one the whole time but I did not realise it.
I had to stir up so much shit and go through so much pain just to see it.
Today, I can honestly say that I have learned something during my NS stint after transiting to this force.
We will always need some drama and turbulence in our life to deliver a bittersweet enriching experience.
Nonetheless, I regretted.
I do not want to go through this to arrive at this experience.
On this entire traumatic episode which changed my perception on a certain individual, I can look at it in many ways.
Either I can just hate him to the core for the damage he have inflicted and just sulk and throw a tantrum till I leave,
Or I can see this as an opportunity to learn to handle myself in such situations, to clam myself down in the face of anger and to believe that he had finally gave me what I wanted(to experience what it felt like to be an officer).
I chose the latter, but I could not bury the grudge.
By putting me through the same treatment as my men, I realised how shitty it felt and how humiliating it was.
One had to undergo what his guys did to be able to lead with confidence and lead by example.
Maybe this was what I had to go through to have this enlightening experience since I did not go through ocs.
I had the easy way out and was made an officer in name, thus, I had to pay a price for an officer experience.
Nonetheless, I could not help but bloody hate you to the core now and you can kiss your ass goodbye to the slightest idea that I will ever trust you again.
You can also go fly your kite in hk if you think that I am still keen on your offer to extend my slavery after all you have done.
At this point, I do not even feel the slightest tinge of security about your promised and assurances you offered.
I could have been conned by your incredible salesman tactics, fortunately, you showed this side of you.
This proves and reaffirms me that once a NS always a NS, one can never get rid of their NS status in this force.
Its like a stigma which plagues and renders you to a lesser being in the organisation.
You better be prepared for a NO when u come back next week, I don't care if you see it coming a not.
No, I don't a shit about this place and everyone here.
I loathe this place and every person here who never fail to torment me daily.
I will not miss this place and come back on a merry visit unlike some dimwits.
I can't wait to get out of this place asap, and it's my greatest wish to ord tomorrow for good.
There is nothing left worthy for me to do here.
I am so damn good but you are just not worthy of my capabilities.
You can go meddle with your website with your bunch of more "worthy" regulars.
There was a reason why it had to be lowly me out of all your superior workers who took up this assignment in the first place.
There is a reason why you offered me an extension and wasted your time and effort trying to convinced me.
Go ahead and engage outsiders who are costlier but are deemed more professional to handle this project, I don't care.
I am so disgusted that after all that I have contributed (which I doubt any of your "reliable" and "proven" regulars are capable of) this is what I get.
I don't care if you give me a B cause your judgement and this horribly flawed assessment don't mean a thing to me anymore.
Just give me a B and let me be.
I just wanna F O.
6 months? NO. 1 month? NO too.
I don't give a shit about handling over to my successor.
I'll just F O and leave your and your "capable" people to suffer at the mercy of the void I left behind.
My successor can be a total screw up and make you realise what you have lost.
Or he could blossom just like I had, well good luck to you then.
Either way, he'll have to pick up from scratch just like I did and that's only fair.
But I don't give a shit actually.
I might have been a hypocrite and thus slapped myself in the face.
But well, I felt the pain and it allowed me to make my decision.
I know where I stand clearly now.
Perhaps, it also made me realise that I have been too soft and I lacked much courage and confidence.
Thank you for that lesson and I'll pick up from there.
I'll figure out what I should do to my guys since their loyalty will never be with you.
Perhaps I will make them better persons and enrich their lives with whatever means I can since I owe it to them.
I shall embark on my own trip of leadership discovery for the next(last) 2 months.
I am not interested in any of your lame projects anymore, finish the current ones and that's it.
Oh, and you can kiss mr smiley and cheerful goodbye cause I have just got an attitude adjustment.
GLHF, it time to plan my truckload of remaining leave and Adios Amigos.
Scott signs off.
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